


Until Your Heart Stops Beating

by Mareep16



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Hospitals, Not A Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-09
Updated: 2017-03-09
Packaged: 2018-10-01 11:41:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10189154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mareep16/pseuds/Mareep16
Summary: Mikasa's life has never been perfect. For once she wanted to have something good in her life. Fate had other plans.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for a friend. He wanted angst so this is what he gets. Sorry if there are any mistakes.   
> Characters are not mine.

The raven made her way down the pristine white hallway.  Her destination on the right, and getting closer and closer. Her heart beat raced and her breathing became labored with every step she took. It was like she was in a nightmare that wouldn’t let her wake up  The doctors had told her she didn’t have much time. The tumor had triggered an episode of seizures and signs of organ failure were starting to appear. Her pace became faster. There was no way in hell that she was going to waste anymore time away from him.  

The room was a typical hospital room. A bed, couch, chair, and machinery everywhere, keeping the frail body alive. Mikasa took a few steps forward. If she hadn’t been there for the diagnosis and all the hospital visits, she wouldn’t have believed it. Unfortunately for her, she had been, and this was her reality.

The once sun-kissed skin was now covered in a sheen of white. The color of death. Funny how the one color that should be making her happy, is killing her inside.

Slowly she took a seat in the chair by his bedside, grabbing his hand and intertwining their fingers. During a better time, the hand she held would have squeezed hers. Would have pulled her into a hug and tell her it was alright. That everything would be okay as long as she believed it. Believed him. There was once a time when those hands were warm and would cause a fire to course through her veins with each touch, rendering her useless to his every desire.

“Mika?” The once deep and strong willed voice, was now broken and weak, and the raven wanted nothing more than to hear it’s normal tone.

Holding back her anguish, she looked up into ocean colored eyes. The only color left on this once full of life body. She was suddenly filled with joy that the color she loved was still there. Her last moments with him wouldn’t be colorless.

“Remember when we first met?” Her words were met with a snort as the brunet recalled the memories.

_It was the first day of kindergarten and Mikasa Ackerman, dressed in her favorite shirt and jeans, with her sparkly pink backpack, wanted to be anywhere but here._

_“You have to go Kasa. I'm going to be late.”  The voice of her brother soothed her a bit, but still she clung to his leg._

_“No. I wanna go home with mommy.”_

_A sigh filled the air and then she was moving. She clung harder to her brother's leg, but it only served to slow him down. “Come on Mikasa.”_

_“No!” Little Mikasa closed her eyes tight, hoping her brother would relent and she could go home to her parents._

_She was moving again, not forward but up. Up into her brothers arms and where her dark eyes could meet his piercing gray.  “Aren't you supposed to be a big girl?”_

_“Yes, but...what if no one likes me?”_

_“Then I'll kick their asses until they do. It's going to be fine. I'll be back to pick you up at four and then we can go to the park with Petra. Then when mom gets home, you call tell us all about your first day. Okay?”_

_“Okay…” There was no use fighting. Where she was stubborn, Levi Ackerman was twice as much._

_“That's my girl. Now stop clinging to me. You're not a fucking monkey.”_

_That's how Mikasa found herself standing at the door to her class. The laughter and screams of little kids escaping from inside.  She turned her head to look down the hall that she had just come from, planning her escape._

_“Don't even think about it.”_

_With a pout, she reluctantly opened the door, letting the noise from inside loose. In a flash all eyes were on the two newcomers and Mikasa found herself taking cover behind her brother once more._

_“Come on. It's okay. I promise.” She looked up to meet Levi's eyes. He sighed again. “If you don't go in, I'm taking all your stuffed animals, and cutting their heads off.”  She sent him a glare, which Levi laughed off._

_“Cool! Pikachu!”  Mikasa flinched as a boy popped up in front of her. “Do you like pokemon? That's a silly question. Of course you do. Otherwise you wouldn't be wearing that shirt. Which Pokemon is your favorite? Mines Blastoise because he can live in the ocean and I've always wanted to see the ocean. Oh! Blastoise also has these cool canons that shoot water. There was this episode where…”_

_“You talk too much.” the small raven deadpanned as she stared at the brunet._

_“Sorry. My mom says that too. I'm Eren. “ the little brunet held his hand out and Mikasa eyed it. Hesitantly she took his hand in hers. “You should come play with me and Armin.”_

_The idea didn't seem as scary as before. This kid seemed nice and although he talked way too much, she didn't sense any danger. “Okay.”_

_“Yay!” Eren grabbed her little hand with his hand and pulled her further into the room. “What’s your name?”_

_“Mikasa.”_

_“We’re gonna be the best of friends. “_

 

Mikasa smiled at the memory, but it was quickly washed away with tears. “I thought you would never stop talking and now…”

She barely registered the hand running through her hair. The motion always seemed to calm her. It was something her parents and brother did when she was young. Something that Eren had taken to doing when she lost everything. Before she knew it, more tears were falling down her face, dropping onto the bed and staining the sheets in sadness.

She couldn’t go through this again. She couldn't lose another person that she cared about. She couldn’t be left all alone in the world, with no one to turn too. She had no one. Eren was it, and now he was being taken away.

_Annie Leonhart was known for throwing the best parties at Titan High. Everyone, who was remotely on the spectrum of popularity, went to these parties, and Mikasa was lucky to have been invited. Annie was Eren’s girlfriend at the time and these parties were filled with their friends. If Mikasa wanted to stay by Eren’s side, she would have to make these people like her._

_It was getting late, Mikasa had enough alcohol in her system to hinder her from driving back home, and Armin had already left an hour ago. There were three options. `One. Stay here and be ignored by anyone who mattered. Two. Call her parents and be grounded until she was thirty. Or Three. Call Levi to come pick her up.  Looking at her phone, she cursed. It was past midnight. At this point she would end up dead either way. Levi wouldn’t be pissed at her drinking, heaven knows what he did at sixteen, but he would be pissed for being woken up. Hopefully if luck was on her side, Petra would be the one to answer._

_With a swipe, the screen lit up as it made the call. She only had to wait a few moments before her brother’s colorful choice of words filled the air. As she had predicted, he was going to kill her for the disruption. For her continued existence, and their parent’s not finding out, she was to watch her nephew whenever the need arose. Mikasa didn’t mind. Watching a three month old baby was worth her having her freedom._

_The air was freezing as Mikasa waited. The music from inside had died down a while ago, but she couldn’t wait inside. Not when Eren was so close, behind a closed door with a girl that wasn’t her.  She wish it was. She wished he would come out, drop his jacket around her shoulders, and hold her close with his own body heat. If only. If only Annie hadn’t gotten to him first. If only she herself had been strong enough to tell him how she felt. They were friends. Best friends. They had been raised together, both Carla and Kuchel treating the other as their own child. She wasn’t supposed to feel this way. She didn’t want to feel this way. It hurt to know the person you loved, loved someone else._

_Something cold ran down her face and brought her out of her pity party. She looked up at the grey sky as it unleashed its gift to the world. She hadn’t even noticed when it had started to snow.  She stood from the front curb and stretched out her legs. She had been sitting there for awhile she noticed. With a quick check of the time, she frowned. It had been over an hour since she had called Levi to come pick her up._

_She pressed call. “If i’m not picking up, there’s a reason. So fuck off. If you’re important, I’ll call you back.” BEEP. Call ended_

_“If i’m no-”_

_“If-”_

_“Damnit Levi. Pick up.” She pressed the call button again and again. Getting the same message over and over. “Ugh. I swear to god if he fell back asleep.” She mumbled as she started making her way in the direction of home. Armin didn’t live to far away from Annie. She could walk over and maybe talk him into giving her a ride. Maybe the walk would sober her up enough that her parent’s wouldn’t ask any questions when she got home. She could lie and say they had fallen asleep at Eren’s or something._

_Armin is scary when sleepy. This is something Mikasa was unfortunate enough to find out. After being scolded about responsible drinking and that she shouldn’t walk alone in the middle of the night, Armin drove her home._

_“Why are the cops here?” Sure enough, there were two police cars parked in front of the Ackerman household._

_“He didn’t.” Mikasa could feel anger bubble up inside her as she glared at the other vehicle parked nearby. “See if I ever babysit for him. “ Mikasa stormed out of the car, ignoring Armin calling her name._

_Mikasa all but kicked the door down, gaining the attention of the people inside. “I’m home. You can call off the poli-” her words cut off as she took in the scene before her. Her mother sobbing into her father’s chest, her father crying alongside her mother, and Petra, clinging to a sleeping baby and looking as though she rather be dead._

_“Mikasa honey…” her father spoke._

_The anger that had been running through her body, vanished. Replaced by a sense of dread. There were police here, but not because they thought she was missing. Petra was here when she should be home asleep with the baby._

_“Mika.” Her father's voice was filled with tears. Her father didn't cry. She had only seen him cry once and that had been at her grandmother's funeral._

_No._

_No._

_No._

_“Where's Levi?” She ignored the crack in her voice._

_“Sweetie…”_

_“Where's Levi!” The panic had set in and with one heartbroken look from her mother, it sent her running. She ignored the yells of her name as she made her way up the stairs and to Levi’s old room. This had to be a dream.  As soon as she opened the door, he’d be in there to tell her this was all a sick joke. But it wasn’t a joke. The room was empty, as it had been for a few years now._

_Eren found her the next day. Curled on the floor of an empty room with a blanket draped over her and dried tears staining her face.  There he stayed. Holding her and telling her that she was going to be okay. She could only nod and hang on to every word he said. Eren never lied._

_The funeral was as anyone would expect. Black and void of any color. People cried over a man they had once knew, or thought they knew. Some even shared memories that didn’t do her brother justice. They didn’t know him. They didn’t know and would never know. Mikasa wanted to punch them all in the face._

_It was Eren who started it. He’s been as upset as Mikasa about the whole ordeal and decided to take it upon himself to ‘fix’ the problem.  He talked of memories from long ago. Tales of their adventures with the older Ackerman. Days and nights that Mikasa would cherish till the day she died. It wasn’t just her that had lost a brother. Eren had grown up with her. He was a part of her family. Eren had lost a brother too._

_The service ended not long after. No one knew what to say or do. At just twenty-six, a brother, father, husband, and son was dead. There was nothing anyone could do to make it better._

_“It’s your fault you know.” The raven stopped in her tracks. The broken voice of someone she held dear caused her to lose any mobility. “If he hadn’t gone to pick you up…”_

_“Pet-”_

_“NO! You don’t get to apologize! It’s your fault! He went to pick YOU up!”_

_“I didn’t…”_

_“YOU KILLED HIM!”_

_Mikasa didn’t know what happened after that. Everything was a blur and she couldn’t hear or see anything. At some point, everything came rushing back and the raven found herself on the floor. Then Eren was there, holding her and helping her to her feet. Something was said to Petra as Eren helped Mikasa out. Needless to say, that was the last time Mikasa ever saw the redhead._

_The next few weeks were filled with tears and Eren. He didn’t leave her side as she cried herself to sleep. He stayed even when she screamed at him to go. He held her and whispered to her that it would be okay. She knew it wouldn’t. Her mother couldn’t make eye contact with her. Her father locked himself in his study and only came out for meals. She knew they blamed her. How could they not? Their first and only born son, buried six feet under. No matter how hard she tried, the blood on her hands would never come off. Instead it ran through her veins and reminded her of who she had lost._

_Weeks turned into months and nothing changed. The Ackerman residence had lost the livelihood that once ran through the halls. Yet still Eren stayed. He became the only family Mikasa had left. He temporarily healed the ache in her chest where her brother used to be. Mikasa hated it. She didn’t deserve a light during this dark time. She was a murderer to her family. She deserved to die alongside her brother. She deserved to burn in hell._

_When the nightmares started, and the raven could be found screaming in the middle of an empty room, Eren didn’t question it. Just held and pulled a broken girl away from the edge. A debt Mikasa would never be able to repay._

“Please don’t leave me.” The words from a past that she rather forget.

“Mika…” The voice was weaker than it had been moments ago. Eren was slipping away and no mather what Mikasa did, she couldn’t keep him here. After today, she would be going to an empty apartment, going to live the life that Eren couldn’t.  “I love you.”

Those three simple words could always make her smile. Even now when she was filled with so much sadness, she smiled. “I love you too.”

_Prom is supposed to be a fun experience for every senior girl, trying on dresses with moms secretly crying about their babies growing up. Unfortunately Mikasa wasn’t that kind of girl. She hadn’t been asked and so the raven decided she wasn’t going, despite Eren’s pleas. He could beg all he wanted, but it wouldn’t get her into an expensive gown that she would only wear once._

_At least that’s what she tried to do. She was never good at denying Eren anything._

_So a week before prom, Mikasa was at the mall trying on dresses and having Carla admire them all._

_“The red one. Definitely the red one.” The red one as Carla put it was a simple red sleeveless dress that flowed down to the floor in elegant waves of crimson._

_Mikasa looked herself over in mirror. With a little makeup she would look absolutely amazing. It was a done deal. She would get the red. The raven went back to change into her clothes. With a glance at the price, her heart dropped. “It’s pretty pricy. I’ll just take the pink one.” she spoke as she opened the door._

_Carla shook her head and grabbed the dress from the raven’s hands. “Don’t worry about it sweetie. Prom is a once in a lifetime event. You either go big or go home.”  The older woman was already making her way to the cashier and Mikasa could only follow._

_Since the death of her brother, Mikasa had been lost. Her parents blamed her. Not in so many words, but Mikasa could see the look in her mother’s eyes. They hadn’t shunned her, her mother tried but Mikasa could only focus on the hate that her mother shut away.  After a few months, she had packed her bags and had run away. The Jaeger’s took her in without a second thought. They had always been like a second family to her, now they were her only family. She hadn’t seen her parents for two years and she didn’t plan to. They had come to take her back a week after she had left, but Carla and Grisha stopped them. Mikasa was glad. She couldn’t be in that house._

_Prom night came upon the raven quick. Carla had done her hair, curling it into simple raven ringlets. Mikasa was in charge of her makeup seeing as Carla would have gone overboard and Mikasa wasn’t one to wear much makeup. With one last brush of her eyeliner and one last overlook of her appearance, Mikasa deemed herself ready. She grabbed her small handbag, that held her phone and some money, and headed out of her room. The conversation the two brunet men were having, came to a close when Carla gasped._

_“Honey you look so hot!” Carla rushed forward to hug the rave._

_Mikasa could only blush. “Thanks.”_

_“You look nice Mikasa.”_

_“Thanks Grisha.” She sent the man a smile._

_“Come on. Jean’s already bitching about us not coming out.” Eren took her hand and they were out of the door. The black limo waiting for them out front came to life as they got closer. Mikasa could hear music coming from inside and could make out a few familiar voices. Eren, always the gentleman, opened the door and let the raven in._

_“Mikasa! Jeager!” The people inside cheered. MIkasa waved while Eren greeted everyone and made himself right at home. In a way he was. Surrounded by everyone he cared for was the one place Eren loved to be._

_She had been there for about thirty minutes and was more than ready to go home. All her friends had gone to dance as soon as they stepped foot in the ballroom. Eren included. She couldn’t blame them though._

_She sighed and went to refill her cup of water. She couldn’t stand in the corner forever and her glass was running a little low. As she made her way to the refreshments, someone grabbed her arm. She was about to put them on their ass when she looked into jewel colored eyes._

_“Wanna dance?” His smile was blinding and made her heart all but jump out of her chest._

_“You know I don’t dance Eren.”_

_“Come on Mika. Live a little. You can’t spend prom in the corner.” Eren pouted and Mikasa knew what was coming next._

_“No.” And there it was, Eren’s famous puppy eyes, Mikasa’s one weakness. “Ugh…Fine.”_

_He instantly perked up and smiled his perfect smile. “YES! Come on!” He took her hand and dragged her out to the dance floor. Some pop song played in the background as Eren made a fool of himself. Mikasa could only laugh as his body moved in all directions. The brunet smiled in return and when the song changed, pulled her closer._

_This song was slower in tempo and a song Mikasa knew by heart._

_“_ _Oh, I can't fight this feeling any longer_ _,_ _and yet I'm still afraid to let it flow_ _._ _What started out this friendship has grown stronger_ _._ _I only wish I had the strength to let it show…” Eren sang along with the song._

_She wouldn’t let her hopes up. It was just a dance; he didn’t know this song would be next. So, the raven let herself get lost in the sound of his voice as Eren continued the song. She only thought of him and not of what the song meant, and didn’t let his voice get drowned out by memories of another voice singing the exact same song._

_“Mikasa?”_

_She opened her eyes, not noticing the song had ended. “Oh…Sorry.” Slowly she let go of him._

_“Mika?” The uncertainty in his voice was new. Mikasa had known Eren a long time. He was a lot of things, but uncertain was not one of them. Eren Jeager was always determined no matter the situation. Once he made his mind up, nothing would deter him._

_Mikasa looked up at her long time friend. He was avoiding looking at her directly and biting his bottom lip. “Eren?”_

_“I…uh…” Words failed him. She had little time to think before his eyes were closing and his lips were upon hers. The kiss was too short for Mikasa. It was something she had wanted to do for years. One small kiss was not enough._

_Dark gray met bright viridian._

_“I remember you telling me the story of how Levi asked Petra out…I thought it would be a good idea…” he rubbed the back of his neck._

_Mikasa had no words. There was nothing that she wanted to say. She only wanted one thing, and that was Eren. As their lips connected again, Mikasa vowed to never lose this sense of happiness._

Mikasa couldn’t remember the songs played or if she danced with any of her friends. All she remembers is the feel of Eren’s lips against her’s. The way his arms felt wrapped around her. The way he stole her breath away. It was one of the best days of her life. All the sorrow and guilt she had carried, had been washed away in that moment.

She wiped away another tear and looked down at Eren. His eyes had closed again and with a heavy heart, Mikasa accepted that they wouldn’t open again. Her love, her best friend, her only family, would be gone from the world soon. All she could do was sit and watch as he took his last of his breaths.

_“Come on Mikasa!”_

_“Eren it’s cold.”_

_“So?” He sent a smile towards her and she knew she had lost. WIth a sigh she went back inside the apartment to grab her coat. The couple had just moved in a few months ago, and this was their first winter in their new home. Eren thought a snowball fight would be a great way to make it special._

_Mikasa locked their door and headed in the direction she had last seen her overly excited boyfriend. When she rounded the corner, she didn’t find a single soul._

_“Eren?”_

_Silence._

_She groaned and turned around, ready to head inside and make herself a hot cup of tea. It was just like Eren to disappear in the whirl of his excitement.  As she turned, she stopped. In front of her was Eren, kneeling on the cold snow with a black velvet box in his hands._

_Tears had come to her eyes and before the brunet could start his speech, Mikasa had thrown herself into his arms with a loud ‘YES’._

The raven looked down at the simple diamond ring. It had been Carla’s before the Jaegers had passed away three years ago. Six months later and it had found a new owner. Now it would never be used for it’s intended purpose. It would just serve as a reminder of what she had lost. OF what could have been.

Hours passed and there was no signs of Eren waking up. Armin had joined her after she texted him telling him the news. They had held each other and cried, seeking the comfort of each other. Mikasa had left the room shortly after, needing some air.

She walked aimlessly and ended up in the hospital's chapel.  It was a simple room with white walls and a bout five pews on each side. Two stained glass windows adorned the front where a cross hung between them.  Mikasa had never been very religious. Her parent’s had been but they never pushed it upon their children. The older Mikasa grew, the less she believed, at least that’s what she claimed.

Still, she took a seat near the front. Her hands covered her face as she sobbed for the millionth time. Chapels should be for celebrating not for mourning. She should be standing at the altar, dressed in white as Eren stood across from her. The room should be surrounded in white roses and blue ribbons. She should be saying her vows to the man she loved. Tying her life to his.

“It’s not fair! Why him? Why do you take everyone I love?” She couldn’t hold the storm inside her anymore and screamed her heart out. “Why?” Her voice was just a whisper now. All the fight and strength that made her Mikasa, were gone. Drained away like the life draining away a few rooms down.

“Mikasa.” The raven turned at the sound of her name. Armin stood at the entrance and witht hey way he looked, Mikasa knew it was time. There would be no memories. No more stolen kisses as they got ready for the day. No more cuddling by the fire during a cold night. No more Eren.

_‘Please take care of him…’_ The silent prayer rang through her head. She stood and slowly made her way towards the blond. He took her hand and together they walked towards the inevitable.

Eren was still unconscious and the raven didn’t know if it was a good thing or a bad thing. Either way, she didn’t want this to be real. She wanted to wake up and have Eren hold her as she cried, telling her that it was all just a bad dream. She was never so lucky.

She took his hand in her’s, ignoring the way it felt so cold. “I don’t know if you can hear me anymore…” She swallowed back tears. “You were the greatest thing that ever happened to me...Thank you…” the sobs had started and Armin squeezed her hand. “Thank you for loving me...and for always being by my side. Thank you for being the best friend that I could ever have...I don’t want you to leave...god...It’s going to be okay. We’ll be okay….You can go now...I know you’ve been suffering and you’ve been holding on for me...I’m sorry for prolonging this, but you can go now….I’ll be okay…. I promise I’ll be okay.” She kissed him one last time. “Say hi to your parents and Levi for me…”

She felt it before the monitor went off.


End file.
